Welcome to my awful situation! Welcome to this hell where love remains unfulfilled and relationships unfinished; the state in which you know of your sickness but nevertheless, enjoy the suffering as it makes you think. You want to feel, to grow up, to expand and consequently you need love, loneliness, and suffering!
Welcome to hardship! Welcome to struggle! Welcome to the enormous battlefield, a place deep inside where you keep up the fight with your own self! Welcome to this world of constant questions! Welcome to weaknesses and limitations!
Where you cannot be with the person you love, you’d remain with two main choices:
1- Whether you stay alone and wait for love.
2- Or you opt to be with a person who in some easy ways, places themselves in your path. They don’t belong to you and you don’t belong to them, but you pretend you want them and you’re happy with them.
I’m the kind of person who their LOVER side is stronger. I want to be a lover no matter what. I imposed loneliness upon myself and chose one, rather than playing with other people’s nerves and emotions.
It is hard to face reality. It is somehow a great challenge to accept the truth, but that will be invaluable in the end!
Our biological and psychological needs force us to find a mate. Evolution is in process and we cannot stop it! What can you do when you love a female 12307.841 kilometers away from you? You are a lover and a potential mate and that woman would have seriously considered you, were you closer to her.
My love life and future is somehow bound to the decisions politicians make. Unlike our ancestors, we are not free to travel to other parts of the earth. We need visas and money! I’ve been rejected the Mexican visa in my first application. The reasons for turning down my appeal are connected to the recent conflicts and subsequent sanctions on Iran over its controversial nuclear program. In a blink of an eye our currency kept falling down. I had everything ready but somehow my plans came to naught.
In recent months, some sort of confusion and hatred kept growing in me for the governments of Iran, Israel and the USA.
Now what?! Can you imagine how hard it goes for me each day and night, to be living so far away from her and not being able to go to her freely? Read anything on this mine WordPress blog, and you’d find out that she is almost in all of my poems and writings. I heal myself through writing and poetry. I remember I once told her that if she kept on making me crazy (through her torturing silences and by ignoring me!) I’d become a good poet!
Oh, it’s such a romance- such a sad love story. So far it has been thus. I fell for a girl on the other side of this planet. I’ve had all sorts of thoughts, considerations, dreams, ambivalence, confusion, conflicts, and etc. I love this story, even if it contains bitterness and failures.
There are cultural differences; there are this and that… I know, I swear I know. But I don’t care, love is stronger than those! There are both differences and similarities that all contribute to the relationships. There is something I feel inside. I can feel her. Damn, it’s difficult even speaking about it!
I confess that she’s chosen silence with me since April 13th, 2012. I had to unfriend her from my Facebook that day. I want to publicly apologize for that! I remember I was almost frozen for some days after that. And it’s not important if she forgives me or not. Anyway, I made a new Facebook profile without adding any friends this time. Some form of vengeance! Anyhow, for me, it’s proven to be more beneficial and relaxing being on Facebook without adding any friends!
When you love someone, when you decide to be a lover; when you enjoy loving; you have to accept the consequences. You need to wait for a day when you’d be loved. I’m learning to live and to love!
Above all, I’m learning to love myself. I’m learning to forgive myself besides trying to walk a right and strong path!